the day after

so after a while with no sex at all, except for that time with prinpi, i  met a blond nice officer who used to serve at the same base i am. the guy looks realy good and we used to have good chimestry but then he moved so we didnt talk for a while.

to make long story short, he cane over and in a short while he was already inside of me, not because i was so horney but bcause he had such a small dick. in even a shorter while he come but he didnt go out. when he did, i felt something inside of me. the first month om not on pills in 3 years, and look what happens. so i pulled the condom out of me and started crying. it was all in, not just a part of it. so the asshole took me to buy the day after pill but ofcourse the pharmacy was closed. so he took me back home and said “so talk to me tomorrow and tell me what happens.”.

He didn’t call and im sooooo onot gonna do it. im gonna tell him in 3 weeks that im pragnent (is that how it should be written?).

tomorrow im off to the army after 5 days at home. so, untill next time..

meh

Memorial day

I wanted to write so much about all the pretty faces i saw on the memorial wall in school. I wanted to tell you aboout Itay, who was in my class 6 years and has died while trying to get to a pilot’s course. I wanted to tell you about all the ceremonies I had to get to yesterday and about how hard it was to stop crying and to go celebrate the 60th independence day, but it was too hard for me.

So I’ll just tell you that I have realised that time goes realy fast. I mean, REALY. and that only 7 months and 3 days left untill I’ll be free, no army, no uniforms, no nothing.

Happy Independence day.

When I had my medic cours I met some guy from the Paramedic cours who used to take the same bus I did. After a long time I saw him at the military med-school (also known as Baha”d 10) I got the courage to start talking to him. I found myself sleeping with him I mean going to sleep, not having sex) every weekend and we became close friends. The only sexual thing that has happened between us was a blow-job I gave him and stoped in the middle. Now he lives in Amsterdam and I saw him this week when he came for the holiday. I slept over at his place, wearing nothing but a sweatshirt and underpants, and he had his birth-day suit on. AND WE DID NOTHING. He said he is horney but he loves me to mch and does not want to ruin our friendship. Yesterday an Israeli ffriend of his has called me and asked me to go out, I said yes, knowing he has just broke up with someone he has been dating for the last 3 years and that he just need someone to talk.

When we got to his room he went to talk to his young sister and I went to see if I had new E mails waiting. He left his email open so when I saw my name I read the whole letter:

“Dude, you rock. Ill call dania and Ill bang her for you. I dont get it, we are young, we should be fucking anything that has tits, how come we are not doing it?”. When he came back he saw me wearing my shoes and pointing to the comuter as an explenation. all the way home we argued, if the guy in amsterdam should be blamed or not. so we came to my place and he showed me his mail box to prove that the paramedic was fine;

“dude don’t be sad, call dania, i think you can fuck her, i realy do”.

so i have spent the last 6 hours arguing with both of them on MSN. Fun.

diet

yesterday i had my first real conversation with the pther medic. we have been working together since last march, but we have never talked about anything besides our clinic.

in a moment of no secrets, he has asked me if i was ever thin. i was so insolted- Im 1.68 M tall and my weight is 53KG, how bad could that be? so i went off to my room and had a chat fith a friend on msn-

dania- my boobs are smaller

tamir- you are smaller

dania- no, i got on some weight, barak has just asked me if i was ever thin

tamir- yeah, i’m sure you would lose the extra weight in no time, you would be a real bomb! (not like you arent a bomb right now..)

I felt so horrible after that conversation so I went with a friend and the other medic on a walk, we ran 10 minutes but had an hour and a half of walking. today i came home and practiced the bycicle for 30 minutes, so im done. every muscle in my body hurts.

have a nice weekend you all

 

p.s- later, he said he didnt ment to say  was fat- “you are full on the right places”, but he couldnt say wich right places…

That’s final. He said we should go out all alone for the weekend and talk about us, but last night he text-messeged me and said hes ganna regret that forever but it’s over, he love me but it’s over. So I hope it would be better for him without me.

last night after the Leil-HaSeder I met a friend I hadn’t seen or talked to since I got in the army,which is almost a year and a half.. it as so… I don’t know. we stoped talking ’cause things got messy between us and we didn’t want to get in to it right before I’m going in to the un-known (No one knows whats going to happen when he gets in. Where would he be, when he would come home…). It was like we never broke up. after 30 minutes I said “you know what you need to do now, if youre dating a medic”. after a while I realised what I said and added “Ups.”. Later that night he said he need to get used to the idea of dating a medic.. I’m realy not sure what’s next, but it better go slowly, I’m not realy into another guy right now.

By the way, i got premoted at work (the magical M). Yay for me, one more shekel per houre (1$=3.42 shekels). (What should I do with so much money?)

happy holliday for those of you who celebrates Passover (is that how it spelled?).

Funny.

Do you know it when you realy want to eat something at the middle of the night but there’s no chance you’d find it available in the frige?

So I wanted Humos. It 12:00AM and I wanted Humos. So I went down, found a box of Humos balls, cooked it and let my sis and dad have some too. It turned out real good. lol.

When I met Prinpi on wednesday he came too late to pick me up, so when I entered the car I smiled and said something like “you made me wait”, and when he started explaining I said no excuses. Ofcourse, I was just laughing, but he started yelling at me and has almost cried. Something about a chrisis at work and 120KPH and me being selfish or something. I WAS SHOCKED. He has sent me an Email today in which he asked me to just tell him if I feel we have no future together. So I’ve told him that it won’t work and the fact he started yelling like that didn’t help so he got realy mad.

OMG. I realy need to stop seeing these people.

וטל, אני כל כך רוצה להאמין שאתה לא קורא את זה. כל כך. ואתה יודע מה, אם אתה פה בידיעה שזה יפגע בי, אז אני מבינה למה מעין עזבה. ולא, סוויטי. זה לא קשור לכסף, זה משהו בעניין נושא קטן שנקרא “כבוד”, שחשוב בנישואין אבל גם מחוץ להם.

I realy hope he’s not here. can anyone tell me one last time when to use “his” and when “he’s”? I have no idea how could I get 97 on my final english exams.

Ori went on a Zimmer with his parents. I asked him to go out with me some weekend too, alone, to decide what about us. Im not sure I want to get back together but I just can’t think of dating someone else. I can’t even imagine him dating that other girl. Oh god, she’s so pretty it hurts. If you’d realy want to see her, find her on facebook.

My rom is fool with notes, letters and other stuff he gave me. I just don’t know what to do. No chance of throwing them away, but I just can’t see it anymore..

I think I improved my english vocabulary. I’m reading all day long and find hard words in the dictionary. I read a nice book, I can’t remember it’s name, but it was a comics written by an Iranian woman. I gave it to a friend, and I want to buy some other books she wrote but as I said- I can’t remember her name.

Every year the military radio station has a project- they take some songs written by soldiers who has been killed on duty and produces them. Jonathan Netanyahu (Benjamin’s brother) has fallen in the battle of Antebe, and that radio station took a letter he wrote to his girlfriend and produced it as a song. In one of the lines he says “I went through so much as a soldier so if ill dye right now it would be the laugh of god. in a week ill be 23 (y.o) and ill never regret anything i did, and ill never be afraid of what ill do”. Ofcours, in hebrew it sounds better, without all my mistakes. next month is the memorial day for all the soldiers who has killed on duty. one boy from my class has died while trying to get to pilot’s course (I hope I’m writing it right..), so last year it was hard but this year I think it would be even harder. So many to remember.. I think it’s the worst day of the year.. We will all go to school, with the IDF uniforms and weapons (for some of us who owns..), to see everyone, to look at Itay’s mom and tell her we don’t need that day to remember him. There’s something beutiful in this day. Everyone stops everything at exactly 10:00 AM to stand a silence minute, everyone are together, it’s a day that shows that after all, we are all together even if it’s under the Kasam’s attack in Sderot, or the attcks in Aza, or everything else. people rushes to be nice to soldiers, parents shakes hands and says “My son was there” or like happened to me last year, a father shook my hand and said “my son was a medic too. He died while taking care of somone else”. That’s the sadest and prettiest day of the Israeli callendar.

That asshole..

Ori keeps sending me text messages. He keep saying how much he love me, how much he wants to get back together, how much he misses me, but the bitch he told me he kissed just changed her status on facebook to “on a relationship”. He says it’s nothing. I don’t believe him.

The big show.

So Prinpi (the 32 year old guy) and I went on a date last night and after our dinner we went to see one of my favorit singers on a show. After we got lost at the building whike trying to find the place, we aventually got there. Efrat got on the stage and start singing and after a while Prinpi lost his patience and said he hates her voice. The show was great, I enjoyed everysecond, but her last song was about a man who leaves a gir and goes to the war without saying a word. The song is realy sad, Israel hasnt recoverred yet from the war and it’s a painful issue but the words of the song, until the middle it’s just a man who’s living his girl quietly, just like ori has left me. In the middle of our date I just started crying like hell and I felt so fucking horrible. Yet he kissed me at the end but it didn’t fill real to me. I guess if Ori can still make me cry I’m not ready for someone else. I can’t even think of letting someone else touch me again. I just wanna be alone for a while. Alone, or with Ori..

I just want someone to hug. That’s all i want.

Home again

On my way to the base I thought it would better be if I’d go to see the doctor, so she gave me two days home because of something I didnt even knew I had. Yipi(:

So I’m home now, playing with the baby my mom babysits and trying to find what to do later on. I might even date the guy from last posts and go to a show. Only problem is I don’t know what to wear.

I’m thinking of having a tatoo. I want to write “Wish you were here” on the back of my neck but I saw someone else who had it so it’s not really original. I don’t know. As long as I’m on military I’m not allowed to have piercing, tatoos or trying to suicide- according to an order which says you can’t destroy a military property. OK…

I need to find a boyfriend. A normal one.

I miss my ex.

 

Home.

These are hard days, Im going throgh.

Im the only female medic in my unit so everytime I go out on some training session with my boys I’m stuck. That time I had to sleep one night with 4 boys (and you know what boys wears for bed. Clue: NOTHING) and this morning (yes guys, I’m sure- MORNING) I went to sleep with “only” two guys.

I’m home for the night. The boys messed up so they went back to the base to get punished and I got the night off. Tomorrow I’m going back and on thursday I’m home again. But dont you think I’m coming to rest, ho no- I need to work. On December I’ll finish my duty and I’ll start my studies, so I’m gonna need lotsa money. MUY FUN. (Israeli joke..)

Anyhow, I think I’ll go get some sleep now, if I wanna wake up tomorrow on time for my train.

Nighty.